Education equally bad for girls and boys

I was lucky, I went to a private school, one of the best in the country, in my opinion. I went there at about eight years old, so my entire childhood up until graduation was spent surrounded by almost the same people, like this big comfortable bubble. There were about 48 students at the school, and before moving to England I didn’t have much other contact with my peers. The school, of course, was exclusively for women. As for the subjects, they were mainly religious disciplines and exact sciences, the humanities were almost ignored, which is strange, because it was a good private school.

Education in the country is quite poor for both boys and girls, there is not much difference. I went to a private school and could gain some additional knowledge, albeit not in an official manner; in government institutions everything is much worse. Children seem to be taught biology, mathematics and physics, but subjects such as history or social studies are practically absent. They can, of course, tell you some things in religion lessons, but this is all biased and is, in fact, government propaganda. It turns out that teenagers graduate from school without understanding basic things about the world around them.

Facebook and dress code

Twitter and Facebook are very popular in Saudi Arabia, as was evident at my school. Girls, for example, simply have nothing else to do except text and compose new tweets. When Facebook first appeared, women were discouraged from posting photos of themselves there. I remember all the girls at my school whispering and calling me a “slut” because I posted pictures of myself. Now everything has changed, and these same girls have become the most unbearable spammers on my Instagram. This is what always happens in the kingdom. At first, everyone is very afraid of innovations and gossips about those who have begun to actively use them, and then they themselves join.

By the way, I almost never wore a niqab (a cape that almost completely covers the face. - Ed.), but I had to wear an abaya (a long robe that covers only the body. - Ed.) because it is prescribed by law. When I was very little, the abaya had to be completely black. But then I turned 12 years old, and women were allowed to wear colorful clothes. Of course, at first this was perceived negatively by society; some women spread gossip about those who dared to wear a colored abaya. This fashion trend came from the elites and was gradually picked up by women throughout the country, but it took time. I think simply allowing people to wear colored abayas has done a lot for society. Designers, certain trends, and new factories appeared. Nowadays you can tell if a woman has a sense of style just by looking at her on the street. Previously, this was an unrealistic task.

I remember all the girls at my school whispering and calling me a “slut” because I posted pictures of myself. Now everything has changed, and these same girls have become the most unbearable spammers on my Instagram.

In Saudi Arabia, it is customary that the male half of the family is responsible for the reputation of their women. If your father or brother finds out that you smoked or spent time with a guy, there will be serious consequences. In the country, it is customary to protect a daughter or wife from bad rumors, even if they are true, there are serious clashes on this basis. My family on my father’s side is very conservative, bad rumors worry them a lot, but with my mother’s relatives everything is a little simpler. In general, I still try to hide some things from them, despite my adult years. Almost all girls from Saudi Arabia would make brilliant criminals: they know how to hide information about themselves and avoid unnecessary attention better than anyone in the world.

Liberation move

Moving to the UK from Saudi Arabia still feels like liberation from captivity. It’s like I spent 18 years in prison and then found myself free. For a long time, even walking to the university or store without necessarily being accompanied by a man was happiness for me. Now I can wear any clothes and hang out with guys without thinking that anyone will mistake me for a potential prostitute. Previously, I couldn’t even express my opinion in school lessons, especially if it didn’t fit into religious norms, but now everything is different.

My father’s relatives were terribly worried and tried to the last to dissuade him from sending me to study in the UK. In principle, it never occurred to them that a woman could live alone, and even in another country! But my mother’s family and friends supported me very much, despite the fact that girls from Saudi Arabia began to go to study abroad only in 2008, as far as I remember. Society has not fully come to terms with this fact. But my dad himself graduated from a university in another country and insisted that I try too. Naturally, he had to sign papers that he allowed me to study abroad and everything like that. For especially religious people, there is even a special service that, for 600 pounds sterling (approximately 63 thousand rubles - editor's note) and payment of housing costs, allows a student to hire a guardian abroad. But, in my opinion, this is a rather absurd thing.

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“The implementation of laws in Saudi Arabia is a separate issue”

In general, implementation and submission to the laws of Saudi Arabia is a separate issue. There is an unspoken confrontation in the country between orthodox religious and moderate families. The former always complicate everything, but there is almost always a way to circumvent the official laws prescribed by religion. For example, your dad or brother writes you a note saying that you can move around the city on your own, and you no longer need a guardian. You just need to always take this note and your passport with you; such pieces of paper sometimes even work for traveling abroad. Much, of course, depends on the family. If your father is a liberal, laws are unlikely to have a strong impact on your lifestyle. But if the head of the family adheres to traditional views, you will most likely never leave the house alone; he has every right to lock you within four walls.

Besides this, there are a lot of places where only men or only women can go. According to my feelings, one day some lawyers came up with such a thing as widespread segregation, and then for some reason it became part of the national culture, which cannot but upset and create problems. Let’s say a woman goes to a bakery on her street to buy a sandwich for breakfast, and then it turns out that only men are allowed to enter this bakery, and as a result, she is left without a snack. Most of the shops or restaurants in the country are occupied, of course, by men. As a result, people begin to perceive this division as the norm; both women and men begin to behave very strangely when they get into the same room, everyone feels wildly uncomfortable.

“A new generation of young men are no longer able to provide for their families.”

My return home is a big dilemma. On the one hand, I understand that in England I will be able to realize myself to the fullest; on the other hand, the little moralist inside me says that I am becoming part of the “brain drain” from my native country. I am torn between easily attainable happiness and sacrificing myself in Saudi Arabia, where everything will be much more difficult. After all, for a very long time, only two paths were prepared for women in a professional environment: medicine and teaching. Now the situation is improving, mainly due to oil companies focused on the West and the United States in particular. It is not a problem for them to hire female engineers - the main thing is that they have education. The state also adopted a number of reforms allowing women to work in the private sector, gradual, but, in principle, working. But, to be honest, I first saw a female cashier in a supermarket only in 2012.

Despite all the reforms, society still puts pressure on working women, this is especially noticeable in conservative families. In principle, now even they have begun to be more relaxed about the idea of ​​a working woman, but a religious father will never in his life allow you to work in a place where gender segregation is not observed: “Okay, you can work, but be kind enough to do it at a school where there is clear gender division, or in a store for women.” Accordingly, this deprives many women in the country of career opportunities, since international companies are focused on Western communication standards. Plus, a working woman is usually looked at as some kind of outcast: “Oh, look, no one needs her and she will die alone!”

If your father is a liberal, laws are unlikely to have a strong impact on your lifestyle. But if the head of the family adheres to traditional views, you will most likely never leave the house alone; he has every right to lock you within four walls.

Therefore, in Saudi Arabia, one of the most important problems is female unemployment, because getting a job as a saleswoman, for example, is easy, but getting a position in a cool company is difficult - preference is usually given to men. As for my age group (20–25 years), unemployment among both sexes generally reaches 40%, but is more reflected in the female half. I have a suspicion that all the liberal reforms were carried out by the government precisely because the new generation of young men are no longer able to provide for their families. By the way, we must also take into account that native Saudi Arabian residents, as a rule, do not go to work in the service sector on principle; as a result, this niche is almost entirely occupied by migrants. Probably, the authorities decided that it would be better for women to work there than for foreigners.

“Even conservative girls find it difficult to return to their homeland”

I don’t think that restricting women’s rights can be justified by “cultural identity”, because it is simply a model of behavior imposed in the past. I am referring to the events in Saudi Arabia that followed the Iranian fundamentalist revolution. A lot of time has passed since the 1980s, and, as often happens, people began to perceive the rules imposed by the authorities as their own traditions. In my opinion, this is pure coercion.

Usually girls, leaving Saudi Arabia and starting to live in another country, start hanging out in a new place with Arabs or Arab women. It’s easier for them, because they don’t have to completely adapt to the peculiarities of Western culture, and it’s easier to make friends with someone from your home country. But despite this, they still understand that they are independent and significant, so even conservative girls find it difficult to return to their homeland after they get used to freedom. Some of them come back and start doing really cool things - feminist activism, for example.

Arabian feminism

Everyone probably already knows about the girls who drove cars. This is very brave, because anyone can write posts on Tumblr, but taking such a radical step for Saudi Arabia cannot. But it’s not that society couldn’t understand them, it didn’t provide adequate support. In general, radical feminism is practically illegal; the situation here is the same as with your Russian law on the LGBT community. You think that homosexuals corrupt children, but here we perceive feminists as women who promote public nudity, promiscuous sex, and prostitution. The demand to establish gender equality causes some kind of mass paranoia and is associated with the sexual revolution. The government and society are more likely to listen to women who are trying to interpret the rules of Islam in their own interests and not to offend. This is probably less honest, but it is more effective in the real struggle for real rights.

Fighting for rights is, of course, very cool.

But in Saudi Arabia, opening an NPO on your own is not an easy task, there is a lot of paperwork, so this is usually done by private corporations. That is, on the basis of many large companies there are non-profit organizations that deal with some important social cause: the problem of unemployment, women's employment, education for teenage girls. A friend of mine works for one of these NGOs and it is amazing to see her efforts and work pay off. If after finishing my master’s degree I decide to return to Saudi Arabia, I will definitely try to work in this field.

“Generators of unusual ideas”, “masters of the family nest” and “desperate friends” - this is all about them, the Arabs. They are also spoiled, boastful and unpredictable. Personal experience of a girl, but not a wife.

Oksana L. has been dating a resident of Jordan for four years, who came to Kiev to study and earn money, and tells how she and her friend manage to combine such different views of the East and West.

About friendship and personal boundaries
We always have guests at our house. At any moment, a friend or just an acquaintance can call and come to our home in the middle of the night. Naturally, as a woman, I need to set the table and make sure everyone is fed and happy. Sometimes the house resembles some kind of Arab camp, and not a family nest.

If a friend needs help, you need to rush to him in the middle of the night. Arabs are always ready to help out a friend, come where they need to, pick them up, lend money.

They are not jealous of friends. My friend is very jealous, but this only applies to our Slavic guys and men, although I don’t give a reason. He trusts his own people. In any case, his friends, understanding who we are to each other, never allowed themselves even harmless flirting.

About work
They prefer conversations to business - long conversations over hookahs. These are real philosophers who are ready to reason and plan for hours. Although this time could be spent on constructive actions rather than chatter, most of which will be forgotten the next day. Eastern men have this problem: their conversations often diverge from their actions. They promise a lot, and they themselves sincerely believe in what they say. Plans can change dramatically, or mood, or something else, and promises will remain just words.

Arab men need to be encouraged - this is how they become inspired and are ready to move mountains for the sake of their family. This applies, in particular, to work. It is important for them to feel that a woman believes in their strengths and capabilities.

Generators of unusual ideas. In the four years since I’ve known my man, he’s started all sorts of businesses. Cafe, transportation of dogs and birds from Ukraine, which are in demand in his homeland in Jordan, processing of semi-precious stones, etc. But he did not bring any ideas to completion. I didn’t initially calculate the risks, I acted based on momentary desires, passion and emotions.

Many people do not value their parents' money. Young people live and have fun at the expense of their parents and do not know the value of money earned not by their own labor.

Attitude towards women
Most Arabs are spoiled by their mother's attention, love care and are often selfish. They like to surround themselves with everything beautiful and are avid fashionistas. They love to dress up: beautiful clothes, shoes, lots of rings and bracelets. Favorite clients of barbershops: stylish beard, gelled hair, expensive perfumes.

They love to educate, and if they fail, they can use force. They put pressure on me morally. Very hot-tempered. Any little thing can piss them off. At the same time, their woman should admire them.

They love to brag about their woman to their friends - they tell them what a housewife she is, caring and a jack of all trades. It is important for them that others admire their woman, and therefore automatically admire them.

It is difficult to offer our men to live together - they are afraid for their freedom. Arab men, on the contrary, want the girl they like to be constantly in their sight. At home, nearby, close by. They are ready to protect and care for her, although they demand a lot in return.

Very generous. If possible, they give the woman gifts, they like broad gestures, and are not at all stingy.

They value independence in our women, the fact that a woman can take care of herself, earn money and not depend on a man as much as possible. In his homeland, women mostly stay at home and do housework.

There is a minus. Monogamy is not for Eastern men. How many times have we had to watch family Arab men woo our girls. When my wife calls, they hang up or don’t pick up. And when they call back, they sing like a nightingale, as they love, and exquisitely lie about why they couldn’t answer. Treason is not considered as such for them. This is the norm in the life of an Eastern man.

About everyday life
My friend definitely won’t eat borscht for three days in a row, although he really loves my borscht. Arab men are very demanding and capricious in everyday life, like children, and are often dependent. If we talk about my man, he can clean and cook even better than me. But it is important for him to see that they care about him and do something for him.

I’m used to Russian cuisine, but my love for hummus and flatbreads remains unchanged.

Loves cleanliness, but not to the point of fanaticism. She understands that we both work a lot and come home very late, so we don’t always have the physical strength to clean and cook at night.

About children and family
My man is ready to coddle with every child, but I’m not sure that he will get up in the middle of the night for his own. This is the wife's responsibility. And the man pampers his child and pays attention to him during short games. All other delights of education fall on the shoulders of the woman.

In a marriage with a Christian, there is no choice what religion their joint child will choose - he is a priori born a Muslim. Especially if we are talking about a boy.

My man’s parents are wealthy and ready to support him, but he, having matured, when the youthful frenzy had passed and partying with friends was no longer a priority, wanted to prove to his family that he could get on his own feet.

About religion
I refused to convert to Islam, realizing that I would not be able to wear closed clothes, honor Muslim traditions and be in a “golden cage” at home. He didn’t swear, he accepted my choice. But it is very important for him that his woman shares her religion with him and his legal wife, in any case, must convert to Islam or be a Muslim initially.

Arabs know the Koran from an early age. They read it like mantras. But my man openly admits that, living among Russians and Ukrainians, he leads an anti-Muslim lifestyle.

His mother, when she came to visit us, brought a hijab as a gift with the hint that I should accept their religion since I live with her son.

A negative attitude towards alcohol remains, despite the love for discos (already in the past) and hookah smoking (this is part of traditions). He doesn't respect it when a woman drinks, even in company.

About future
After living with an Arab man, it’s strange to see how our women treat their Russian husbands. It’s crazy to see the disrespectful attitude and desire to be in charge at times. My views on what a woman should be like in a relationship with any man have changed.

I don’t know where this relationship will lead - Russian girls are more freedom-loving, ambitious and active. I wouldn’t like to be completely dependent on my husband.

But Arab men are like sweet nectar. You can’t get drunk, but even when you drink, it becomes too cloying that you want plain water. But after nectar it seems tasteless. I’m like a tightrope walker halfway: I can’t go back, but the unknown lies ahead...

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In my article I want to highlight some aspects of marriages with Arabs based on the experience of my friends and acquaintances. I would like to note right away that we are not talking about dating via the Internet. Why? The fact is that Russian women looking for a husband abroad prefer to find a man of close European-Christian culture living in a developed country. Therefore, it is unlikely that a sane woman will leave Russia somewhere in the Middle East, to a country with different traditions, culture and mentality. It should also be noted that a normal average resident of the Middle East is looking for a wife through relatives, friends, acquaintances or work colleagues. Usually this is a woman from the same sociocultural environment.

A natural question arises: who are those “Muslim princes” writing to our women? These could be: gigolos trying to obtain citizenship of a more developed country (including Russia) by marrying a foreigner; rich residents of the Persian Gulf countries looking for a white, cheap lover for a while; pimps and slave traders who lure our women abroad and sell them to brothels. Türkiye and the UAE are centers of the slave trade, and Russian women are in incredible demand there. I can’t bear to call all these types “Muslims”. Like a Muslim woman. Such scum, I believe, cannot be called people. Perhaps someone found happiness in marriage with an Arab via the Internet, but I personally am not aware of such cases.

Our women meet Arabs in real life, usually at an institute where foreign students study. In my experience, most mixed marriages are from the student environment. Such marriages occur very often, but also often break up. The main reason is the difference in mentalities and cultural traditions. These traditions are usually called “Muslim”, and the bearers of the traditions themselves are called “Muslims”. Is it so?

Let me tell you a little about myself. I converted to Islam about 7 years ago. I didn’t have any thoughts about getting married or leaving. Two more Russian girls came to Islam with me: both were unmarried. I don’t want to explain the reasons for my choice, the path to God is a personal matter, I just want to say that for any believer of any denomination it is necessary to communicate with fellow believers. My friends lived in a dormitory because they were out-of-town students. Arab students lived in the same dormitory. Theoretically, they were my co-religionists, but I would not communicate with most of them, much less get married as a Muslim believer. The fact is that a real Muslim is one who follows the rules of his religion. In our dorm, out of 150 Arabs, there were only three who observed. The rest were drinking and having fun with the girls. These were ethnic Muslims. The fact is that if we ask an ordinary Russian how Orthodox he is, we will hear several options in response: an atheist, sometimes I go to church, I believe in God, but I don’t follow the instructions of the church, and so on. If we ask the same question to a Muslim about his religion, we will hear something different: even the most drunken and depraved Arab will kick himself in the chest with his heel, claiming that he is a Muslim, even if he does not observe anything. And in general, Islam is not like that, don’t look at me, I’m not an example to follow. Such maxims mislead non-Muslims. Especially in the case of the dorm described above, where there was a pitiful bunch of believers: 3 Russians, 3 Arabs and two Tatar grandmothers (the watchmen, we taught them to pray, since under the Soviet regime they had no knowledge about their religion) - there was a contrasting sight in comparison with drunken crowds of Arabs and their drunken girlfriends.

By the way, about girlfriends. Many girls, dating Arabs, hoped for a serious relationship, but I knew that in most cases this was impossible: some already had a bride waiting for them in their homeland, others just had a Russian girlfriend for fun. I had no moral right to interfere in someone else’s personal life and “open the eyes” of our girls. I wore a headscarf, and this already distinguished me: none of the Arabs slept with me, on the contrary, when I walked past, my “brothers” shyly lowered their eyes, hiding vodka in their pants pockets. Our girls couldn’t help but see this when they met Arabs. Usually they simply ignored me, didn’t ask me any questions, didn’t ask for advice: well, there’s some strange girl walking around in strange clothes, so what? In a word, I felt some kind of barrier between me and these girls, although I felt terribly sorry for them. When some of the Arabs left for their homeland, abandoning their lovers, there was smoke in the dorm. The most furious girls almost rushed at me, accusing me, my headscarf and my Islam, saying that they didn’t do this to me, no one used me. Of course, there were few who were particularly aggressive; the majority suffered quietly in solitude: it’s no joke, losing 3-5 years per person would be in vain.

Of course, not everyone is like Masha and Nina. Most unhappy marriages with Arabs are love marriages. Marriages with Europeanized Arabs, supposedly cut off from their roots. In Russia, these guys are no different from Russians, except that they look after them more beautifully, but when they take their wife home, everything changes. A former shirtless guy can grow a beard and suddenly become a “true believer,” demanding the same from his wife: since you love me, obey. Most of these Arabs are childishly naive; they sincerely believe that thanks to love, their wives will also be imbued with the spirit of their traditions and will be “like everyone else.” This is especially true for changing faith. All Muslims are confident in the truth of their faith. (Like Catholic or Orthodox believers). Only Muslim believers understand that faith is an intimate matter, and, believing in the truth of their religion, they do not expect that everyone around them will also adhere to the same views. And a true Muslim believer will marry only a Muslim woman, and he will meet her not at a disco, but through friends or relatives. A believer of any confession will observe his religion everywhere: both at home and abroad, no matter how difficult it may be. Agree, this clearly does not apply to the walking comrades described above. That is why the ex-wives of such Arabs vilify Muslims and Islam, although we clearly have nothing to do with it. It is easier to label and blame creeds and abstract people than to dig into the essence of the problem. But the point is that there is no smell of religion here: the husband was never a religious person, a change of faith is only a requirement to follow traditions, and the wife did not have the slightest idea about the religion and traditions of her husband’s country. And I didn’t want to know and understand, if I had known, I would have thought a hundred times.

I am more than sure that Russian women, when planning to marry an Arab, were warned more than once by their parents, friends and acquaintances. I'm also sure they've read different stories. But they get married and go to their loved one. What awaits them? A sharp change in lifestyle: long clothes, reverence for elders and husband’s relatives, inability to make a career, obedience to husband. What does this all mean?

Firstly, relations with my husband’s in-laws. If they accepted a daughter-in-law, the marriage can already be considered half happy, support and protection are guaranteed, if something doesn’t work out, you can complain to your father-in-law, they will give a message to your son: Arabs obey their father and mother. If the parents-in-law are against such a marriage, it is better to get a divorce. Especially if the husband listens to his relatives.

Secondly, this is the relationship with my husband itself. In Muslim countries, women communicate with women separately from men. It would be normal for a Muslim woman to ask her husband not to go to the market: crowds, pestering traders, heavy bags. Usually men buy provisions for the family. It will also be normal for a Muslim woman to give priority to home and raising children; The husband's task is to provide for the family. An Arab would prefer to live with a woman who is family-oriented rather than career-oriented, but he will never dare to tell his wife that she is sitting on his neck. Of course, there are also working women, but preference is given to working in a purely female team (beauty salons, studios, etc.), or with children: kindergartens, schools. Often women work in the family business of their fathers-in-law and husbands: shops, clinics (if both spouses are doctors). However, in all cases, Muslim men are sure that raising a child and doing housework is also hard work. Muslim women themselves are of the same opinion.

Now a few words about the husband’s character. It usually manifests itself in the first year or two of marriage. As a rule, young people spend this time together while living in Russia. The husband may not demand to wear a long one, but he may already begin to show himself. An intelligent woman will immediately notice whether a man is greedy, kind, demanding, strong in character, or a doormat. Having arrived home, such husbands are unlikely to change radically: weak-willed men will submit to their relatives, strong and authoritarian men will try to control their wives even more strongly. If a husband beats his wife, then usually he beats her everywhere: both in Russia and abroad. Conclusion: it is necessary to decide whether it is worth living with such a person or not BEFORE leaving Russia. If there are children in the marriage, then they need to obtain Russian citizenship. After leaving for an Arab country, Russian citizenship also cannot be changed: our diplomatic services will only provide assistance to their citizens abroad, Russian legislation does not recognize dual citizenship.

At one time I came across an article “Why do you girls love Syrians.” I don’t remember which newspaper. The point is that these Syrians married Russians, registered as Russians, lived at their expense, and even beat their wives. I just couldn’t understand how you could tolerate a parasite, prescribe him, and even allow yourself to be beaten! Note that this was in Russia, these women could get a divorce, they could not get married at all, but live in a civil marriage. They could just leave - they are all Muscovites, they have jobs and registration. We could have stopped there. However, these women went further: they gave birth to children from their husbands, two at a time. And then, after getting divorced, they made a fuss: the dads took the children to Syria. There was even a TV program where the mufti from the Spiritual Administration of Muslims of Russia publicly said what I am writing about: why was it necessary to give birth to children from them, and in what place are these Syrians Muslims? Personally, I know that an Arab will not abandon his children, but I have also seen various examples of divorces where children remained with both their mother and father - in my experience, it all depends on the person. If, in the case of these Syrians, it is immediately clear what kind of people they are, one cannot expect good things from them.

In fairness, it should be noted that sometimes the most decent of the Arabs, before talking about marriage, talk about their country and faith. This initially puts potential brides into a state of shock, but once they recover, they look realistically at the prospect of marriage with such a person, and in my experience, marriages can be happy. You can also search for information about your husband’s country on the Internet, read reference books, notes from travelers who have visited these countries, and read some fiction written by Arab authors. It is better to take modern writers; they paint a picture of life in their countries without embellishment and objectively, without avoiding problems and dark sides. I personally really like the Syrian writer Ulfat Ul Idlibi.

Also, in fairness, it should be noted that the majority of happy marriages with Arabs were with Russian Muslim women, Tatars, and residents of the North Caucasus. And the Arabs themselves were believers. In addition to professional education, the women also had religious education and spoke Arabic. Before marriage, the husbands' families already accepted the daughter-in-law in absentia, and the wives' families accepted the son-in-law. Agree, common spiritual values, support from parents on both sides, knowledge of Arabic - all this is a very good foundation for building a relationship. However, these happy couples did not all go to their husbands' home countries. The reasons are different. For example, there is a civil war in Sudan and Algeria. In the UAE, the Russian diploma obtained by their husbands is not valued, and they cannot find work in their specialty. Egypt - low standard of living, poor healthcare and education system. Only a few couples settled in Syria and Morocco, but in this case the fathers-in-law are rich people, which means that you can live in your own home, in a clean and quiet area, and often visit your parents in Russia. The downside is that you can’t scold the ruler out loud, you can go to jail for this: there is no freedom of speech.

Most of my friends, happily married, returned to Russia from Sudan, Algeria and Egypt. It’s also not easy in Russia: those of my Sudanese friends who opened their own business in Russia (a confectionery shop) lost their money during the 1998 financial crisis. Therefore, those who could, left for the USA or Canada. It’s also not sugar: life from scratch with one suitcase. Those who remained in Russia work in their specialty. Usually these are doctors (most Arabs educated in Russia are doctors). How doctors are paid in Russia is not for me to tell you, so wives also work, sometimes in the same hospital, to make ends meet.

You can ask me personally: would I marry an Arab? It is difficult for me to answer this question unambiguously. I would have married a good and believing man, and all my Arab friends didn’t want to go home, they were better off in Russia... I would have gladly married a Russian Muslim, but they were all taken apart. And among those Arabs who wanted to live in Russia, almost all of them drank and did not observe anything. I must say that among these guys there were good people, they helped me with my work and generally helped me in life, but I would not marry them. Moreover, I would not register anyone in my apartment: neither Arab, nor Russian. Only, to obtain Russian citizenship, registration is required, so no matter how wonderful an Arab is, I would not register him.

Again, for the sake of fairness, I must say that among my Algerian friends there were guys who were successful in business. They bought housing with their own money, registered there, and honestly, with their labor, earned Russian citizenship, and then got married, registering their wives in their apartments. But this is an exceptional case.

Everything I wrote about here has one goal: when the next letter arrives from another girl who is in love with an Arab and is going to him for permanent residence, remember my letter too. Believe me: I have seen a huge number of mixed marriages, and for the most part, women with their eyes closed rushed headlong into the pool, not thinking about anything but their love. How many times did I try to talk to these girls - it was useless, they heard nothing but the call of their hearts, and then many cried bitterly.

About dating

We met Abdulrahman in England when I was studying at a language school under the Education first program. My then future husband also studied there. We often saw each other at school, but at first I didn’t pay attention to him. Fate decided for us when I was transferred to his class.

Abdulrahman invited me on dates, invited me to go out, but I refused.

Still, it was difficult to get rid of the stereotypes: he was an Arab, I thought he had a harem and all that.

I was also skeptical about the relationship between a Russian and an Arab. I will say more, initially he repelled me: he gave the impression of such an arrogant guy with an expensive watch.

One day it started to rain heavily, I ran into a cafe to wait it out, and saw Abdulrahman there. We started talking, and then I liked him. And now I remember the past and understand that there were really many moments when we accidentally crossed paths, but did not notice each other. After this conversation in the cafe, we began to communicate more and spent a lot of time together. When I left England, he promised that he would come to Russia. I, of course, thought that he was not serious.

A month later we finally met in Moscow and since then we began to constantly correspond and call each other. A month and a half later, he invited me to England, paying for my course of study, but my visa expired and I had to return to my homeland. Although I already realized then that the relationship between us was serious and long-lasting. We met several more times after that in Moscow, and then he came to Khanty-Mansiysk to meet my parents. From that moment on, we never parted, and that’s when his Arabian adventures in Siberia began!

About life in Khanty-Mansiysk

At first we lived in Khanty-Mansiysk in a rented apartment, and then we moved in with my parents. It took him a long time to get used to everything: he couldn’t, for example, eat Russian food, even the rice with lamb was “not the same.” Ignorance of the language also affected, because while I was at the university, he could not even go to the store. It was the hardest thing in winter, because he was not used to such conditions! But that didn't stop him. He survived the cold and hard life in Khanty-Mansiysk and achieved his goal - he took me to hot Qatar.

About the wedding

We played Nikah ( approx. author – in Islamic family law, an equal marriage is concluded between a man and a woman) in Moscow, in secret from their parents, after some time they got married according to the law of the Russian Federation, then, on the basis of this paper, they received a Qatari marriage certificate, but they no longer celebrated the wedding itself. His parents were pleased that everything went step by step.

There is even some magic of numbers here - acquaintance on May 28, 2011, Nikah on January 28, 2012, wedding in Russia on May 28, 2012, and a daughter was born on April 28, 2013.

About parents

At first, my family was unhappy with the choice, as they were afraid and worried about me. They said: “He is an Arab, he has a harem, then it will be difficult for you to leave there, “what if something happens!” But I was confident in my choice and knew that nothing like that would happen. Before his arrival in Khanty-Mansiysk, my family knew little about him. And only when we moved to my parents’ house, they were inspired and loved him like a son. Now they are, of course, on good terms. Abdulrahman loves my family, and my mother has already visited us in Qatar and we are planning another meeting with them soon.

It was more difficult with his family. Initially, they did not support this idea, arguing that if the girl was not a Muslim, it would be difficult for her to live in new traditions, that sooner or later I would get tired of it and run away back to Russia. Therefore, there could be no talk of any of his trips to Moscow and Khanty-Mansiysk, much less a wedding.

At first I also thought that his family would be unfriendly to me, but in the future it turned out to be quite the opposite.

Abdulrahman, without telling his parents anything, left for Khanty-Mansiysk. Periodically, they called each other, trying to find out if their prodigal son had come to his senses and if he wanted to return and find work. But he did not return, and my parents, realizing that he would not change his decision, accepted his choice and said that they would help us move. When I finally came to Qatar and met them, I immediately became friends. It turned out that his parents are modern Muslims, and they began to help me in everything. His mother is always with me, she helped me adapt, takes me to all parties, introduced me to her friends. And dad is not strict, he always gives gifts and calls her his daughter. They show on TV that life in a Muslim family is unbearable and terrible. However, I want to say that I feel very comfortable, I have a second family here.

About the move

Moving is never easy. About a year later, we began to draw up documents: we had to collect a huge package of all kinds of papers, because Qatar is such a country where it is not so easy to get into.

While we were preparing to move, I dreamed of leaving Khanty-Mansiysk as quickly as possible, but as soon as we moved, I immediately began to miss home. Everything was different here: clothes, laws, food, traditions... It’s very difficult to get used to, because you’re not going on a two-week vacation.

I went there not as a tourist, but as the wife of an Arab husband.

At first we lived with his parents, and after a while they gave us the villa in which we now live.

About Qatar

Life here is not at all the same as in Khanty-Mansiysk. Local residents are very rich, and visitors from the Philippines and India work in the service sector. The locals have many concessions and benefits: they work 4 hours a day, at birth money is transferred to their account, the state pays a fabulous amount for marriage and building a house, and this is all for only one reason - you were born in Qatar.

As a rule, Qataris go to work immediately after school, mainly in high-level positions. In general, when Abdulrahman told me what country he was from, I didn’t even know where it was. Only a few months later I read on the Internet that this is the richest country in the world.

About religion

In January 2012, I converted to Islam. At first I didn’t feel any significant changes, but then, as they say, it came.

It was in Moscow, then my future husband suggested that I change my religion, and I agreed. Immediately after this we played Nikah in one of the Moscow mosques. I approached this issue thoughtfully and consulted with my loved ones. In the end, I decided that husband and wife should not have disagreements in the family, and then there will be peace and harmony. In the future, children will not doubt which religion they should live in.

I like Islam and I don’t regret changing my religion. I feel confident in my husband that he will not betray me or cheat on me, and I trust him completely. I will say more, Islam completely changed my life, and I understood something that I did not understand before. I became more sensitive and soulful, I understood the value of life. By itself? I follow all the rules. Although I was not born a Muslim, I feel like one and I am glad that my daughter was born in Islam. I am sure that being a Muslim will make it easier for her to go through life.

About traditions

I’ve already gotten used to everything: the fact that you have to cover your head, and that men are separated from women. In general, you can get used to everything here.

Qatar is a very strict country, it is believed that a man should wear traditional white clothes, and a woman, like his shadow from the sun, should wear a black abaya. Abaya (author's note - long traditional Arab women's dress with sleeves, for wearing in public places) shows your status, but when madam or madam turns to you and opens the door for you, it’s even nice.

It was only when I saw a dismembered ram on a plate of rice that it came as a shock to me. This is really hard to get used to. Everywhere else, men are kept separate from women. In schools, in homes (there are separate rooms for men and women), in queues, prayer rooms, at work. Women and men are even forbidden to talk to each other. For example, you cannot meet a guy and a girl together in a shopping center. And if a couple is together, then they are husband and wife. As for polygamy, this is a big responsibility. In Islam it is allowed to have four wives. If the husband is wealthy enough, then this shows his status.

However, I know that my husband will never take a second wife, because we have a modern family, and polygamy is something more traditional.

About life

My husband works from morning until lunch, during which time I usually sleep. He is the president of an Arab sports club and his father also gave him one of his restaurants, so in the evenings he sometimes goes to check how things are going there. While he's not home, I can do what I want. Usually his mother takes me with her to parties or shopping, I also have my own car and driver, so if I want, I can go to the store or to a cafe myself. I don’t do this often, I prefer to stay at home. And then, in the evening, my husband and I go for a walk.

Another stereotype: “You can’t leave the house.” Of course you can! Everyone believes that an Arab wife should be at home, cook, look after the children, obey her husband in everything and be, in fact, a nobody. This is not the case with us at all, I respect my husband, he respects me, and if we have a dispute, we find a compromise. My husband provides for me completely; I don’t work myself. He gives me money, gives me gifts, we go somewhere on vacation with the whole family. He doesn't harm me in any way. In our country, it is believed that it is the wife who shows the status of her husband.

Many people think that I am with him only because of all this luxury, but I could never live with a man for money. No matter what anyone says, family values ​​are more important to me than material values.

About the child

While we were filling out the documents to move, I managed to graduate from university and, since I was pregnant in my 5th year, I planned to give birth in my hometown. My daughter’s passport says that she was born in Russia, but her nationality is Arab. I am for the child to be raised in the traditions of his father. I don’t want to offend anyone, but why should she be Russian? The attitude towards Muslims in Russia is ambiguous. I just don’t want my children to succumb to bad influences, the most important thing is that they just know what is good and what is bad. Arabic is her main language, she already knows a few words in English, it is very easy, and she will learn it anyway. But I will teach her Russian later so that she can maintain contact with her Russian grandparents.

About food

What I miss most is Russian food! Arabic cuisine is also delicious, but I want more Russian. I love herring, Olivier, pies, and dumplings. In general, it was only when I left that I realized what I loved most! Unfortunately, no one here can replicate the preparation of a real Russian dish, and there are no suitable products. I taught my kitchen workers how to make puree and Olivier, it turns out delicious, but still not the same as in Russia. Now every time I come to Khanty-Mansiysk, I enjoy the moment.

The cuisine in Qatar is very diverse. The kebabs, for example, are the most delicious I have ever eaten. And since we live on the coast, we often feast on seafood. Rice is always on the table every day. As for sweets, not all of them are tasty. They also put a lot of spices in the food, which I also don’t particularly like. We often have food brought to us from our restaurant, and on Fridays we have parties and gather the whole family around a large table. By the way, our daughter is a real Arab. No matter how much I cook borscht for her, she refuses to eat!

This is how destinies are intertwined. And while some residents of countries are intensively building barricades out of racism, chauvinism and other “isms,” others are blurring these boundaries.

KSENIA GREENEVICH

Probably every second girl who has visited hot countries once had an affair with an Arab.
Whether this is good or bad, I don’t presume to judge, but those who swam will understand me.
Some girls returned from this voyage with a broken heart, while others caught their firebird, adapted to a foreign culture, found compromises and began to live with their beloved in the thirtieth Arab kingdom.
I apologize in advance for my sometimes unnormative and somewhat rude approach to this subject. I would divide all Arabs into two categories.
Firstly, for the category of cheap resort limiters from Sharmalsheikhs, Hurghada and Kemer (sorry, the Turks were also targeted): animators, restaurateurs, hoteliers, sellers of smelly Arab perfumes. Let's not ignore the Liban women from Beirut and surrounding zhnubs (villages), blue-eyed Syrians, poor Jordanians and Palestinians with travel permits instead of passports, and, of course, Egyptians - kulu tamaam!
After studying at local colleges, they left their Cairos and Tripolis to conquer more developed Arab countries, where they successfully found work as salespeople in shopping centers, or as middle managers in Arab companies. They have made numerous friends, exclusively from their own countries, and regularly go on safari with a large Egyptian shob, taking with them a hookah and pickled kafta.
Libanashki, who represent high fashion, have settled down in a similar way. , as salespeople from Zara and department seniors at Massimo Duti. These people regularly go into debt, buying cars and fashionable clothes, because for a Lebanese there is nothing more important than a well-gelled hairstyle and the awareness of one’s own coolness. They know how to present themselves, which exponentially increases their rating in the eyes of blond foreigners. After acquiring all of the above, there is no more money left for living, so they basically rent an apartment by sharing money with their neighbors. They rarely go to the mosque and mostly hang out in fashionable clubs, like Cavalli, all night with one drink in their hands (they get drunk before leaving, mixing vodka with red bull in their apartment), then, heavily scented with cologne, and rolling up their sleeves on a shirt up to the three-quarter level, they are sent out into the world in twos or the whole noisy company.
All of them: Egyptians, Lebanese, Syrians, etc. of the first category are united by the lack of money, the desire to have a nice rest and a violent sexual temperament.
They earn little, but spend a lot, mostly on themselves , money is often short, so they do not hesitate to borrow from their faithful friends, and often forget to repay debts. In spite of everything, they manage to keep warm-hearted girls near them for a long time, and the whole secret is that they perfectly know how to hang noodles, look after them beautifully, shower them with compliments, and last but not least, oh how fucking good they are in bed. They are not at all disfigured by intellect, because most of them, except for paragraphs of the Koran and the Ahlan magazine, have never read anything.
They will spend another year sailing abroad and one day my mother will call from Syria with the words: “Hamudi, ya amar, habibi” and say that it’s time to get married. And he will rush off to Damascus for the first date with the bride, after which there will be matchmaking and a magnificent Arab wedding.
He will return all in tears, hug Natasha, repent of what he has done, saying he is not guilty - the will of the mother. Meanwhile, the little wife is not bad-looking, prepares excellent mlukhiya and will be able to raise future offspring according to the laws of Islam.

And we will return to the second category of arabesques , to those from wealthy families. As a rule, they graduated from prestigious universities, most even in America and Canada, and sometimes received new citizenship. They hold good positions in large foreign companies, they are fun and have a lot to talk about. Arabs from different countries rarely make friends with each other and fill their circle with university friends or distant relatives. They, Egyptians, Lebanese, Syrians, Emiratis... openly dislike each other and rarely become friends. They have money, so they are more often in society and they are more picky than the first category. Just so you know, these also mostly marry their own people, but exceptions are more common here, since their families are usually more open and more often approve of their children’s choice to connect their lives with a foreigner.
Being with an Arab is not easy and you must always take into account the existing cultural differences, especially if you come across a Muslim Arabesque.
Important points - attachment to his mother, his mother will always be the first woman in his life, the unequal position of men and women, what is allowed to a man, a woman can only dream of. Personally, I am touched by the fact that even their own women (the same arabesques) are often unable to cope with Arabian horses, and they continue to hang around in the flesh until old age sets in or the Hajj occurs (preferably in old age), otherwise and he won't change anything.
I had lunch yesterday with a client of mine who has turned into a good friend. I remember when he returned from Mecca last year, he swore that everything had changed and he was neither to his wife’s left, but his period of asceticism did not last long. Yesterday he again started talking about his past and present loves. I couldn’t stand it and asked him, they say, why are you Doctor Ayash, Arabs, wandering around like that and your marriages are somehow inferior. His point of view was that they marry mostly without falling in love and without having time to get to know their soulmate well. Women, in turn, before marriage do everything to please a man, but after marriage they lose interest in their husband and perceive him solely as a source of security and well-being, but the broad Arab soul wants love.
But another incident prompted me to write this post. An example of the promiscuity and lustfulness of Arabs of the first category, when they do not care who to look after , and they bombard you with messages and harassment not because of special sympathy, but rather because your number was saved in their address book.
So on Saturday a similar specimen became attached to me and pulled me out of the ground, as they say. We met at work more than a year ago, met twice on business matters, he kept holding out his sweaty palms for a handshake, as I remember with a wedding ring on his ring finger. And then, as they say, not even two years have passed, he began to joke to me: how long have you been working as a business, a bunch of other things, and in the end - let's meet - let's get to know each other better, I want us to become friends. Well, don't fuck your mother, what a meeting! At first, I explained to him civilly, as best I could, that I was not interested in his friendship, and that all my evenings were busy, if there was something to do with work, come, dear, to the office. If I wasn’t a client, I would have sent it a long time ago. He still didn’t recognize my signals, he thought that I was breaking down, and the next day let’s do it again. At this point, of course, I got really angry and I expressed my opinion. Got rid of it.
This is the most striking example of a cheap Arab who doesn’t care who gets bullied, but is not interested in whether I’m free or whether I need it at all! At the same time, he is so stupid that he does not doubt for a minute the attractiveness of his proposal.
Regarding the Arabs of the second category, I also have something to say. I had three in total; the first romance, as expected, happened at a resort in the well-known Sharm El-Sheikh. That means I met an Egyptian, although he was not an animator, but the owner of 5 local hotels. Oh, girls, how he drove me crazy, of all the Arabs, only the Egyptians are capable of this, he said that he was divorced (resort Egypt is generally a valley of free men, no matter where you rush, everyone is not married). As a result, I conquered it, and monthly flights to Sharm el-Sheikh and back began, I took my girlfriends with me to make it more fun. How we hung out there (naturally, it was all inclusive on his part), then he met a new love and the monthly vacation on the Red Sea stopped.
The second was a local, from the Emirates, the affair lasted almost a week, and it happened purely out of nothing to do. Everything stopped the moment I saw him in a kandura (white dress); before that, he had only appeared on dates in European clothes. I felt completely uneasy about “what will people say”, and in general how is it between me and HE? The question always came down to the kondura, I remembered this white robe, and my hands gave up and I no longer wanted anything. I still don’t understand what caused such an unhealthy subconscious reaction. I left him, and he probably still has the same opinion about me as I do about the Arabs)).
And finally, the third final episode, the Canadian Canadian. He won me over because he never lied, couldn’t flirt at all, didn’t use hair gel and wore Converse sneakers. Oh, I forgot, after a week of dating, he brought me to meet my mother, which shocked both of us, since it was a complete surprise for us.
This concludes my scientific work. I hasten to note that all of the above is my subjective opinion, and may not coincide with the opinions of others, and please do not forget about happy exceptions (I am an optimist).