Comments on the opinion were expressed that this position is rigid. I would like to know your opinion.
Hieromonk Job (Gumerov) answers:
In spiritual matters there must be complete clarity in definitions. It is unacceptable to replace one with the other and confuse two different subjects: the spiritual meaning of fasting as abstinence (not only for the stomach, but for the whole person) and pastoral oikonomia - leniency and considerations of practical benefit when resolving issues of the spiritual life of individual members of the Church.
The fact that the period of fasting is a time of marital abstinence is clearly stated by the Apostle Paul: “Do not deviate from each other, except by consent, for a time, for exercises in fasting and prayer , and [then] be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you through your intemperance" (1 Cor. 7:5).
To understand this passage, let us turn to the patristic interpretation. I will give the explanation of St. Theophan the Recluse. His method of interpretation is distinguished by an important feature for us: it is based on the entire exegetical experience of the holy fathers that preceded it. His exegesis is conclusive. Secondly, it is close to us in time. The spiritual issues he solves are not much different from ours. Having cited the verse we quoted, the saint writes: “He commands to abstain during fasting for the most fervent prayer: this may apply to all church fasts, especially to fasting... It is clear that the apostle would like abstinence to be kept as if it were a law, but to come together only yielding to extreme necessity , which is determined not by wishes, but by nature, and not even by nature, but by prudence" ( Feofan the Recluse, saint. Interpretation of the Epistle of the Apostle Paul: First Corinthians. M., 2006. P. 322).
The Apostle Paul says: “I speak these things by counsel, not by command” (1 Cor. 7:6). Saint Gregory the Theologian, to whom there was a link in one of the comments, only repeated this thought: “I ask only one thing: accept the gift as a fence, and bring purity to the gift for the time being, while the days set for prayer continue, which are more honorable than the working days , and then by mutual condition and agreement (see: 1 Cor. 7: 5). For we do not prescribe the law, but we give advice and we want to take something from yours for you and for your general safety" ( Gregory the Theologian , saint. Creations. M., 2007. T. 1. P. 469).
Unlike food, marital abstinence concerns a very subtle and fragile area of the relationship between two people, who often (as experience convinces) differ from each other in their spiritual development. Therefore, there is no direct canonical prescription (hence, penance) of abstinence, but it is still a spiritual and moral norm, non-compliance with which, in the absence of an appropriate reason, is a sin that must be confessed.
We must sacredly adhere to the teaching of the Church on fasting as a necessary school, without which we are unlikely to bear spiritual fruit. “Abstinence does not consist in avoiding foods that are insignificant in themselves, the consequence of which is the lack of mercy of the body condemned by the Apostle (see: Col. 2:23), but in the complete renunciation of one’s own desires” (St. Basil the Great). The whole life of a Christian should be a constant striving for a high ideal, the achievement of which is impossible without a certain feat. If we look in the rules for some opportunities to live outside of the saving feat, then we will gradually become equal to the Protestants, who have long abolished fasting and are doing everything to meet fallen human nature.
Everything that has been said not only does not cancel, but, on the contrary, requires pastoral sensitivity and leniency in each specific case when it comes to the fasting of spouses, if one of them is still spiritually weak.
To the statement made in one of the comments that I bless the breakup of families, it is not difficult for me to answer with facts. We have an archive of personal letters. Over three years and three months, we sent 11,873 letters. I also had to answer questions about marital abstinence. I will give the advice that I gave.
“Dear Dionysius! I really sympathize with you. If your spouse does not yet understand the meaning of Christian life, including abstinence during Lent, then do not abstain, but give in. Peace in the family is necessary. There will be no sin. The most important thing is to show the fruits of your Christianity: peace, joy, patience, love, etc. Be attentive to your wife."
“Dear Anastasia! Relationships with your husband during fasting must be built wisely and sensitively. If he is not yet ready for fasting, then you can give in, but gradually lead him to life according to the holy rules.”
“Dear Oleg! I understand the difficulty of your position. Since peace in the family comes first, in order not to strain the relationship, give in to your wife. At the same time, do not forget to reproach yourself and repent.”
"Dear Elena! I congratulate you on the beginning of the saving Great Lent. Keep a fast when it comes to food, but for the sake of peace in the family (since the husband has not yet joined the church), you must give in to your spouse. This way you will lead him to the Church faster. He will see your wisdom and love for him. Make up for the incompleteness of physical fasting with spiritual fasting: abstinence of the tongue, non-irritability, non-judgment, etc.”
I won’t bore you with further extracts. From the above extracts it is clear that there is no “rigorism”. But I emphasize that this is a different topic. Unfortunately, some priests who participated in the discussion of the problem of abstinence replaced one issue with another. In spiritual life this always leads to serious mistakes.
Why didn’t the Holy Fathers leave us strict and clear canons regarding the abstinence of spouses from physical intimacy during one-day and multi-day fasts? The first and main reason is that physical fasting between husband and wife is a very intimate and delicate area. If you introduce harsh canons and prohibitions on this matter, many spouses may stumble: not everyone is able to bear the burden of fasting. And therefore, the Church, condescending to the weakness of one of the spouses, calls for understanding towards his half: “The wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does. Do not turn away from each other, except by consent for a time, to practice fasting and prayer” (1 Cor. 7: 4-5).But marital fasting is a generally accepted church practice, a rule that must be observed, like other rules and traditions of the Church. The rules for weddings tell us about it (which, by the way, are also not canons), because these instructions have only one purpose - to marry spouses on those days when marital intimacy is allowed. Because both in the days of Bright Week and on Christmastide, it is quite possible to organize feasts and indulge in festive fun. By the way, the rules about weddings are observed very strictly. If any priest were to marry couples, for example, during Lent, this would immediately entail severe punishment from the ruling bishop. Such a priest will first be given a stern warning, and then, if he continues to practice weddings during Lent, he will be banned altogether.
Observance of fasting in intimate relationships for spouses should be a matter of mutual consent. There can be no violence against the will of another, as the Apostle Paul tells us. Both in apostolic times and in our time, this is equally relevant, for both then and now there are many marriages where one of the spouses accepted Christianity and lives the life and traditions of the Church, while the other does not yet. And to preserve peace and love, it is recommended to be forgiving of the weakness of another. The priest, when accepting confession, must treat this with understanding. Here is another reason why there are no strict canons and penances on this matter. After all, there would be a great temptation for some overly stern confessors to show excessive severity here.
But no one has canceled marital fasting, and a church wife does not need to relax and secretly rejoice in the fact that her still infirm husband cannot bear the burden of fasting. Having yielded to him for the sake of peace in the family, she must intensify her prayer for him and refrain from doing something else, and watch herself more strictly. She should hope that her husband will one day be able to fully fast with her.
Of course, no one can be forced to fast. But people who deny fasting (including marital fasting), oddly enough, deprive themselves of a lot. They see fasting as continuous restrictions and fetters for their freedom, not suspecting that fasting is an excellent means for improvement, including in family life. The Church very wisely established days of marital fasting. Yes, sometimes it is not easy to bear, especially for young people, the burdens of fasting, but spouses who are not church members and who do not fast have another, much larger, problem in the intimate sphere - satiety, cooling in physical relationships. Priests have to hear about this problem during confession. Some young people tell in confession what excesses they indulge in with their spouse in order to somehow diversify their intimate life. Naturally, they break the fast. I advise such spouses to strictly observe fasting, and then their physical relationships will not lose their spice and attractiveness.
And how many adulterous affairs happen due to cooling off in married life! Men are especially guilty of this. Even if the wife has a very bright, impressive appearance, after a while the husband, who is not accustomed to abstinence, becomes fed up with her, intimate life becomes insipid, and here all sorts of perversions in marital relations can begin, and then it can come to adultery.
A satiated person always wants something new and hot. In Ancient Rome, homosexuality, pedophilia, and other perversions became the norm precisely because people were completely fed up and no longer knew what else to want. So in intimate life, quantity does not at all turn into quality, but even vice versa. Dale Carnegie has a not very well-known book about family and marriage, published after his death. So, he writes in it that spouses, in order to maintain the freshness of the relationship, need to have sexual intercourse less often than they want.
Any spouse somehow regulates their physical relationships, so why not use the days that the Church specifically established for abstinence for this? By the way, both priests and psychologists know that Orthodox abstinent people have much fewer intimate problems and sexual disorders than non-church people.
Of course, physical relations between spouses are a very important component of a family union. It is an expression of their love for each other. It is not for nothing that a child is called the “fruit of love.” Elder Paisios of Athos says: “A man feels a natural attraction to a woman, and a woman to a man. If it weren’t for this urge, no one would ever decide to start a family. People would think about the difficulties that subsequently await them in the family and are associated with raising children and other family matters, and therefore would not dare to get married.” If there is no physical relationship between a husband and wife for a long time (of course, not because of any special feat), this is a very alarming symptom, indicating that their relationship is in crisis. After all, physical relationships are only the visible part of intimacy.
It all starts with spiritual understanding, attention of spouses to each other. And for all its importance, intimate relationships do not play the main role in marriage. Fasting greatly helps not only to maintain the freshness of physical relationships (spouses after abstinence will always be pleasant and desirable for each other), but also helps to strengthen mental and spiritual intimacy. The relationship between husband and wife, when they do not communicate physically, moves to a different plane. They begin to show their feelings differently, this is expressed in attention, understanding, communication. Fasting is an examination of what really connects us: spiritual, emotional or only physical intimacy; have we managed to build something, become one body and one soul, or are we connected only by carnal attraction? During the period of fasting, we begin to see our soul mate in a different light, from the other, human, friendly side, without the admixture of carnal passion.
Another important point: fasting develops the will and teaches moderation and abstinence. After all, there always comes a time in the life of spouses when physical communication stops. For example, due to illness, pregnancy, etc. If the spouses are not accustomed to abstinence, it will be very difficult for them to bear all this. Thus, the time of fasting and abstinence is a very good opportunity for spouses to cultivate not carnal, but true spiritual love and intimacy. “Carnal love unites worldly people externally, only as long as they possess [the necessary for such love] worldly qualities. When these worldly qualities are lost, carnal love separates people and they slide into destruction. But when there is real precious spiritual love between spouses, then if one of them loses his worldly qualities, this not only will not separate them, but will unite them even stronger. If there is only carnal love, then the wife, having learned, for example, that her life partner looked at another woman, splashes sulfuric acid in his eyes and deprives him of his sight. And if she loves him with pure love, she experiences even greater pain for him and subtly, carefully tries to return him to the right path again,” writes Elder Paisius.
Fasting is an excellent training of the will. It is very important in family life to accustom yourself to discipline, to learn to control your instincts. After all, when a person does not know how to do this, how can he refrain from immodest glances, flirting, and then betrayal, in our world overflowing with temptations?
I asked a few questions on the topic of marital fasting to a practicing family psychologist Irina Anatolyevna Rakhimova. Irina Anatolyevna heads the Orthodox Family Center and has been working in the field of family psychology for more than 20 years.
- Irina Anatolyevna, tell me, is it useful for spouses to temporarily abstain from physical communication during Lent from the point of view of family psychology?
I consider the periods of fasting established by the Church, when physical marital relations cease, to be a very reasonable and necessary rule. In life, including family and marital life, there are public and unspoken rules. It happens in family life when spouses are forced to refrain from physical contact.
People who have already started living with each other before marriage often come to me for consultation in order, as it seems to them, to check whether they are suitable for each other or not. I explain to them why they need to abstain before marriage: to learn to abstain in marriage. The premarital period, preparation for marriage, is the time of study. And in family married life it is very important to be able to curb the flesh, cultivate your feelings, will, and not allow yourself everything. It is very difficult for a dissolute person, not accustomed to abstaining, to remain faithful.
Yes, if people are already living before marriage and have intimate relationships, I recommend checking your feelings in this way: for a while (say, two months) stop physical relations. And if they agree to this, then, as a rule, there are two options: either they break up, if they were connected only by passion, or they get married, which was my practice. Abstinence allows them to take a fresh look at each other, to fall in love without the admixture of passion and the play of hormones.
- Who has more problems in their intimate life: Orthodox Christians or non-church people who do not fast?
The theme of newness in relationships is very relevant in family life. Lent very symbolically ends in the spring, when nature blossoms and spouses re-enter physical relationships. And after a period of fasting, joy opens up in them, and their feelings are renewed after winter. This helps keep the relationship fresh and romantic. And it is much easier for Orthodox people to maintain this: they have fasting.
There is a very big misconception that abstinence is harmful. It is believed that everyone (including outside of marriage) should have a regular sex life and satisfy their needs: without this, they say, there will be illnesses, neuroses and mental disorders. This is a big trap. All neuroses and disorders are in the head, in a person’s mood, in what he has inspired in himself. I believe that there is great truth in the theory of sublimation. If a person does not get hung up on the topic of bodily functions and lives abstinently, he can use unspent energy to realize himself in creativity, work, scientific activity, and other areas.
I believe that a Christian, both in family life and in any other life, is always a warrior of Christ, accustomed to working on himself, a person of strong will. And fasting and abstinence help us a lot with this. But our faith will become impoverished if we give ourselves slack and think about how to make our Christian life easier.
Orthodox Christians of past centuries could not even imagine that during Lent one could indulge in carnal marital pleasures. This idea could only arise in our time, when people are cut off from the traditions and traditions of the Church.
In conclusion, I want to say about one danger that awaits modern Orthodox Christians. When the Church was under persecution in Soviet times, the Orthodox person, willy-nilly, was in opposition to the outside world. He understood perfectly well that it was under no circumstances possible to live as non-Christians and non-Orthodox Christians live.
“He who is not with Me is against Me (Luke 11:23),” said the Savior. Nowadays the temptation to be like everyone else is very great. After all, today many call themselves believers and Orthodox, which does not prevent them from having abortions, cheating on their spouses, and cohabiting outside of marriage.
I note with regret that many of those who came to the Church in post-perestroika times and were zealous Orthodox Christians were very much imbued with the spirit of the times. For example, not long ago I was talking with one of my friends (he regularly goes to church and receives communion) about family life. And this man quite seriously argued that it is quite normal for a man and a woman to cohabit before marriage, because this way they can get to know each other better! Adultery and divorce have become more frequent even in Orthodox families. This is all very sad. What kind of Orthodox are we after this, if we indulge the spirit of this evil age, become infected with it, as the famous song says: “we cave in to the changing world”? We, on the contrary, must lead people, preach the truth with our lives, show that Orthodox families are strong with their traditions bequeathed to us from the holy fathers and our ancestors. Then the world will “bend under us.”
Good afternoon, our dear visitors!
Discussion: 6 comments
Hello, Evgeniy!
Yes, you need to talk about this in confession every time, since this, although small, is a sin, and your confessor must know your weaknesses in order to pray for you, help you and give you good and correct advice. Your confessor will not violate his spiritual state, and your spiritual state will be beneficial. When you are in confession, say with humility and repentance that you have to break your fast, then over time the Lord will help you mutually abstain, this has been tested by experience.
Peace and God's blessing to you!Answer
Good evening, Roman!
Indeed, medicine literally insists on the idea that abstinence in marital relationships has a harmful effect on human health. Medicine also insists on the harmfulness of fasting in general. That is, he considers restrictions on dairy products, eggs and healthy chicken unacceptable. Otherwise, the body will not receive the necessary proteins and calories.
But if you and I look into the book “Lives of the Saints”, we will see facts that are amazing for medicine: many holy fathers who fasted to one piece of bread and half a glass of water a day did not get sick at all and lived up to 90-100 years!..
The same applies to abstinence in married life, which is obligatory for every Christian during fasting and fasting days.
The spiritual essence of your problem is that your soul is weak, and, as a consequence, your body is weak. You must strengthen your prayer, churchize your life (you can read an article about this on our website “
Hello Father, is it necessary to repent at confession, for intemperance during Lent, if my wife (we are married, there is spiritual communication with the priest, confessor of our parish and brotherhood, he married us, but I am embarrassed to ask such a question so as not to confuse, not possibly disturb it spiritual state) I don’t fast and I’m not ready for a long time without intimacy and I’m giving in to peace in the family... And in this regard, I want to ask if I need to repent in confession every time if intimate relationships are repeated, is this imputed to me and my wife in Sin??? God bless the Father for the answer. R.B Evgeniy.
Answer
Hello! It is written in many places (not in church literature) that abstinence in married life leads to impaired health in a certain area of the body. Allegedly, infections, stagnation, etc. accumulate. and so on.
I have developed some problems in this well-known area of my body. Not because of abstinence!!! Probably age and sedentary work. I saw a doctor and treatment is ongoing.
After intimacy with my wife, it seems to become easier. (For obvious reasons, I won’t go into detail).
The Nativity Fast is now underway. I'm in deep thought: Should I ask the doctor about fasting? I don’t think he would have understood me, and it didn’t even occur to me then. Don’t make an appointment for this question. Should I ask the priest? It’s possible, of course, but being in the temple the determination disappears, it seems to me that this is a trifle unworthy of attention, a personal question, etc.
I understand that now a lot is written about the harmfulness of fasting. Some famous figures paint a picture of the uselessness of fasting. I admit that about the accumulation of infection, about stagnation of blood, all this may also turn out to be untrue. But it’s easier for me after intimacy with my wife!!!
Sorry for writing so much here. Perhaps this is an awkward question. But he worries me and I think that I still need to ask.
Thanks in advance for your answer!!!
Answer
The question of whether close marital relationships are permissible during Orthodox fasting worries many married couples. The priests also have different opinions - some of them adhere to a strict ascetic position and prohibit bodily communication, while others talk about a more free attitude to this issue. How to properly build marital relationships during Lent?
What the Bible and the Holy Fathers say about abstinence
Holy Scripture gives answers to any questions regarding human life. The physical manifestation of love between husband and wife is no exception. The Bible says the following in the words of the Apostle Paul:
Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a while, to exercise in fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance. (1 Corinthians)
This is the main biblical text that characterizes the attitude of the Christian faith to the issue of limiting bodily pleasures. Theologians and experienced priests interpret it this way: it is good for a husband and wife to sometimes, for the period that the Church has set aside for fasting, abstain from intimate relationships. However, such a feat must be exclusively mutual, in agreement with both spouses.
The Bible advises abstaining from intimacy during Lent
Many new Christians, who have just tasted the joy of the Orthodox faith, very zealously and strictly begin to observe all fasts and church regulations. It’s good if the couple came to the Lord at the same time, and neither the husband nor the wife feel any infringement.
Prayers for the family:
In addition to the words of the Apostle Paul, you can take into account the 4th rule of St. Dionysius of Alexandria, which says that spouses should be their own judges - i.e. they can independently decide when and how long to abstain. And the appropriate measure for one couple may not satisfy another at all.
The Holy Father of our Church, John Chrysostom, explains this point this way: excessively zealous abstinence can provoke a situation when one of the couple experiences strong temptations. And if the couple does not come to their senses in time and does not build the correct rhythm of intimate life, betrayal cannot be avoided. And betrayal is a much bigger problem than breaking the fast.
The dangers of the feat are beyond our strength
When Christians just begin their path to God (such people are called neophytes), many of them go to extremes. Any church rules, canons, and simply traditions are perceived by them as an unshakable truth that requires the most precise and strict implementation. Such people are easy to recognize by the extreme categoricalness with which they talk about Christianity.
Important! We must not forget that fanaticism is just as far removed from the faith of Christ as complete disbelief in God.
Who crucified Jesus Christ? Pharisees and scribes, who very accurately knew and meticulously followed all the doctrinal instructions. And it was precisely this fixation on form, and not on spiritual filling, that did not allow them to discern the Savior who had come into the world.
Also in the family - excessive zeal of one of the couple for asceticism and spiritual achievements can significantly harm the family, especially when it comes to young people. Most often, women go to such extremes, strictly declaring to their husbands that during the fast he must forget about physical relationships.
Love should come first in the hierarchy of family values.
If the spouse is not distinguished by deep faith and does not strive to observe fasting, he may end up in great sin due to the excessive severity of his wife. In this case, the husband’s betrayal will also lie on the conscience of the wife who provoked it.
Meanwhile, experienced priests tell spouses that they must “drown” bodily passions in each other. Living an ordinary worldly life, and even in the modern world, it is impossible to avoid the temptations of the opposite sex. And a person’s task is to respond correctly to temptation. Wise spouses, at the slightest hint of the emergence of passion, run to each other and extinguish the emergence of this passion in each other.
What happens if in such a situation one of the spouses declares that he is on a strict fast? Another will have to fight his temptation alone. It’s good if a person has enough spiritual strength to overcome it, but this does not always happen. In addition, if the second spouse is not a strong believer anyway, the radical position of the spouse will move him even further away from Orthodoxy.
When husband and wife enter into marriage, they no longer belong to themselves, but to each other. Therefore, love should come first in the hierarchy of family values. When one of the spouses, even under the most plausible and “spiritual” pretext, ceases to take into account the views and needs of the other, this is not love, but selfishness. And such an approach cannot be called Orthodox.
About the family: The Sacrament of Wedding, therefore, physical relations in marriage cannot in any way be considered unclean. Overly zealous Christians who claim that it is more appropriate for believers to live like brother and sister commit a great sin and lead new Christians into unnecessary temptations and delusions.
Of course, those pious couples who, over time, come to sufficient strength of faith to allow them to take on bodily exploits without harming the relationship act very godly. But such doing is possible only after years of married life, when husband and wife have already built a real deep relationship of love and trust. This is a long journey, sometimes as long as a person’s entire life. This is an ideal to which one can strive, but which cannot be achieved in one fell swoop.
Video about marital intimacy during fasting (about abstinence)
SHOULD SPOUSES ABSTAIN DURING LENT?
Clergy interviewed
talked about the correct approach to marital abstinence...
The other day, the head of the information and publishing department of the Synodal Department for Youth Affairs of the Moscow Patriarchate, Hieromonk Dimitry (Pershin), said in an interview with Interfax-Religion that there are no canons in church law that would require married couples to abstain from intimacy during the period of fasting. “All church canons that somehow relate to this topic say that abstinence in marriage is mandatory only on the night before the liturgy and the sacrament of baptism,” the priest noted then.In connection with this statement by Father Dimitri, we present the opinions of authoritative Orthodox clergy with a request to comment on the expressed opinion and explain whether marital abstinence during fasting is mandatory.
“From the point of view of the Orthodox Church, marital abstinence during Lent is obligatory. The question of fornication as a consequence of marital abstinence is not even raised. Any indulgences are a matter of conscience, pastoral practice, and spirituality. The teaching of the Church is that by fasting, all members of the Church become monks.” , - noted the famous Moscow shepherd, chairman of the Synodal Department for interaction with the Armed Forces of Russia Archpriest Dimitry Smirnov .
According to the rector of the church of St. Apostles Peter and Paul in Shuvalovo, rector of the non-profit Institute of Russian Culture Archpriest Nikolai Golovkin , “marital abstinence during fasting is obligatory if the husband and wife both agree to it.” “Mutual consent in this case is necessary. But there are situations when, for example, a believing wife has an unbelieving husband who protests against this kind of abstinence, then in such a situation the wife must yield to her husband in order to avoid fornication on his part. Because it happens that when one of spouses refuse marital relations, and the other does not want to abstain, temptations of a different nature arise. For example, a person may fall into fornication not even on the physical level, but in sinful thoughts. But the Lord says that " “Whoever looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:27-28) . Therefore, if one of the spouses insists on a close relationship, then you should not sharply refuse him, so as not to push him to other, even more serious sins. So abstinence of spouses during Lent is necessary, but it must be carried out by mutual consent,” said Father Nikolai.
For his part, the head of the Center for Rehabilitation of Victims of Non-Traditional Religions. A.S. Khomyakova famous missionary Archpriest Oleg Stenyaev noted that “there cannot be two points of view on this issue, for Holy Scripture tells us: “Do not turn away from one another, except by consent and for a time, to practice fasting and prayer” (1 Cor. 7:4-5) . Thus, abstinence in married life during fasting is necessary, but it must be achieved through mutual consent. If one of the spouses cannot abstain, then the biblical principle applies: “A wife has no authority over her own body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no authority over his own body, but the wife” (1 Cor. 7:4) . Because through abstinence of one of the spouses the other may fall into sin. The Apostle Paul writes about this precisely in connection with fasting and exercise in prayer. This is a biblical principle,” emphasized Father Oleg.
Head of the Diocesan Outpatient Consultation Center "Resurrection", Candidate of Pedagogical Sciences, Member of the Writers' Union of Russia Priest Alexy Moroz noted that “according to the canons, marital abstinence during fasting is mandatory.” “At this time, we abstain from modest food and from all kinds of bodily pleasures and all kinds of entertainment, and, naturally, as one of the types of pleasure, we also abstain from external marital relations. This is a general law, the fulfillment of which everyone should strive. But There are different situations, for example, if a believing wife refuses marital relations to an unbelieving husband, this may prompt him to cheat. In such a situation, a believing wife must choose the lesser of two evils and give in to her husband. But she must not yield to her unbelieving husband in this. according to the lust of the flesh, but in order to avoid sin. The same can happen if a believing husband strictly adheres to fasting in relation to his unbelieving wife. But we must strive to behave correctly, try to live according to the Typikon, at the same time understanding that sometimes cases arise when it is better to break the law of fasting in order to avoid a greater sin."As for married couples in which both spouses consider themselves Orthodox people, Father Alexy said, they should try to abstain throughout Lent. “However, if they also feel that strong temptations have arisen that they cannot bear, if they are overcome by lustful thoughts and looking to the side, then it is better for them to have a relationship with each other. Each person must act based on his own strength. But at the same time, of course However, in no case should you let yourself go and say to yourself: “Well, it’s okay, it’s possible." No, you can’t! But in order to avoid a greater sin, you can commit a violation, understanding that this will be a violation of fasting, that you need to bring repentance for this "We must try to observe fasting as it should be, and then the Lord, seeing our weakness, will strengthen us in the future of our lives. And then the spouses will be able to spend the entire Great Lent with all severity," says Priest Alexy Moroz.
In turn, dean of the Priozersk district, head of the department of the St. Petersburg diocese for combating drug addiction and alcoholism Archpriest Sergius Belkov also recalled that “The Apostle Paul teaches us to distance ourselves from our spouse during Lent by mutual consent for the sake of exercising in prayer.” “But there are couples in which the wife is an unbeliever or has little faith, and the husband is a believer, and vice versa. It even happens when both go to church, but one of the spouses is not yet capable of such abstinence, and the refusal of intimacy on the part of the spouse can push to adultery or fornication, therefore, of course, in this case, the lesser evil would be partial failure to fulfill marital abstinence. This is the Orthodox teaching. Rigid rigorism in this case is inappropriate," says Father Sergius.
